I'm always a bit suspicious of alternative therapies and the people, usually white, middle aged, middle class women that practice them but hey, I was in agony....I was in deep need.
Besides this woman came recommended by the bloke who delivered my wood burning stove and who, like me, had a back problem. He swore by her. It had to be worth the £30 consultancy fee she charges. What did I have to lose?...only my job if it didnt work.
So there I was, a week ago on Sunday, knocking on the door of a Victorian detached house in a small market town in the Borders. I was greeted with an enthusiastic smile and ushered in to the Room.
My heart just sank.It was dimly lit, reeked of incense and the walls were decorated with fairies, unicorns and all the rest of the escapist idiocy. She clearly had eclectic tastes when it came to more established religious icons and symbols too. Everything was represented bar Christianity. I wonder the reason for that omission?
Apparently my subconscious is far more aware of what ails my body than my concious mind. Well, ok I can go along with that although I was pretty much convinced it was my back that was bothering me after having torn a muscle.
I was to hold my arm in a horizontal position whilst she spoke to my subconcious in code...each code phrase corresponding to a part of the body.
Guess where my problem lay? MY GROIN!!!!!!
This is not the first time I've met a strange woman who has shown an extraordinary interest in my groin. I just lay there letting her massage my groin, pubic area and inner thighs. Come on, it's been ages since I've been with a woman. I couldnt help but begin to smile and laugh to myself. I could imagine sharing this story with lonemum and hearing her deep chortling laughter. I miss that woman. She was so good for me.
The massage went on for over 3 hours. She did eventually move onto other parts of my body and I have to admit she was very good at it. It was bliss...my back, shoulders, neck and head....then my arms and finally my hands. Have you ever had a hand massage?. It is so intimate and very nearly erotic....much more so than the groin manipulation!
